As a child I always tried to avoid making things with other people around because it would take me a long time to finish. Because I was young, an Undiagnosed Autistic, and didn't know any better, and was raised in a culture where parents expected the best of their kids and didn't really communicate often with them, or had any idea that thinking in such a way was odd, I mean really, how does one do studying perfectly?, the toxic cycle continued unnoticed and plagued me into adulthood.
College was a struggle, and by the time I noticed that my behavior patterns and ways of thinking were wrong, it became too much. I got triggered just from working on schoolwork, and became really depressed. Asides from writing, where one can just sit down and open the computer or print out copies on recycled paper and edit edit edit, no single career was enough, previously I had pursued Fashion Design, and getting a creative project up to my standards without abandoning it seemed like a pipe dream.
I loose passion really fast. If something isn't perfect and doesn't feel right any more I usually end up leaving it behind and moving on to another project. My room is strewn with the relics of forgotten projects and obsessions. As a now conscious adult I've learned to manage things better, but I still actively try to avoid situations where I'm pitted against my OCPD. I'm that person who will tend to sit there for hours after everyone has finished trying to complete a work. Too long ago my cousins invited me to a drink and paint night. We had all reached that ripe age where we were legally able to experiment with alcohol, and though I was never much of a painter and had already decided beforehand that I wouldn't make anything, towards the end I decided to do give it a shot.
I didn't end up finishing the painting as predicted, not till today, quite a shameful and embarrassing thing, literally months later, but it was still a lot of fun to drink and pick up a pencil. When I paint I sit and sketch out what I want to paint before filling it in. Layers and adding dimension makes as much sense to me as learning how to play an instrument, and in thinking about I wanted to paint the most therapeutic and peaceful thing was the first thing that popped into my head. I have a love affair with goldfish, so I decided to paint a bowl.
I'm terrible at drawing animals, so I Google Imaged a picture to use as a model and started sketching. I made this a long time ago so I don't quite remember how I ended up with Phineas and Ferb, but I liked the idea so I went with it. The second fish ended up being Perry instead of Ferb, and his trusty hat rested at the bottom of the bowl poised for action.
For some reason I wanted an inspirational quote to go with it, and "Dare to be Different," was the one I settled on. Something to keep in mind to read as I lived, discovered myself, and went about daily life. Since I painted this piece as a hobby and am not an artist I was going to keep it, but I found out later on that a friend of mind who is Learning Disabled and Schizophrenic, just left his dream of becoming a neuroscientist and dropped out of UCLA.
It was sad and being a fellow individual who basically failed at life because of mental illness, I understood the feeling. I felt like this painting might help him, so I decided to ask him if he wanted it. Right now he's pursuing new life with his other passion, art. He's very talented and his work is unique and amazing, but I hoped that he'd like the painting and that it would help him on his way.
When I told him about the painting he told me he'd be happy to have it, and asked me what about it reminded me of him. And though I didn't really answer as I drew a blank being put on the spot, I would say that the hat does, because he reminds me of Perry the Platypus, and the quote fits with his art. You strike me as someone who would be a secret detective and go on a lot of fun adventures:)
Painting
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